I HAVE COME TO TERMS WITH THE UNDYING NOTION THAT MY BEST FRIEND IS A SUPERHUMAN GENIUS,
AND THAT HER PARENTS HOLD AN EXTREME DISLIKE FOR ME, LIKE THORNS STABBED DEEP INTO THE CREVICES OF THEIR HEARTS
AND THAT EVERY TIME THEY SEE ME THEY HAVE NOTHING BUT
BAD THOUGHTS FUMING INTO THEIR BRAINS
I UNDERSTAND THAT THEY THINK OF ME AS A TERRIBLE INFLUENCE ON THEIR ‘PERFECT’ DAUGHTER
BUT THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT BEING THE PERFECT ASIAN CHILD
RESULTS IN AN INABILITY TO CONVEY ONE’S FEELINGS AND PROPERLY BLUFF,
SO IN TIMES WHEN THE PERFECT ASIAN CHILD FINDS THEMSELVES OUT OF THEIR DEPTH – AND YES IT DOES HAPPEN – THEY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO FADE OUT AND GIVE UP
BUT ONES THAT DO NOT LISTEN AND NON-CONFORMIST HAVE THE ABILITY TO FAKE
AND THE ABILITY TO FAKE
AND TO PRETEND
IS THE QUALITY OF A GREAT ACTOR
AND AS A GREAT ACTOR,
ONE CAN ACHIEVE THE FAÇADE OF ANYTHING
AND ESSENTIALLY MORPH INTO ANYTHING.
THE ABILITY TO BLUFF AND FAKE AND FOOL THE WORLD
IS THE GREATEST ABILITY OF ALL
AND THERE IS NOTHING
NOTHING IN THE WORLD
THAT CAN OVERCOME A MASTER OF THAT ABILITY.
NOT EVEN THE PERFECT ASIAN CHILD.
SO IN REALITY,
IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE TRUTHFUL REALITY,
THAT THROWS COMPLEX SCENARIOS AT YOU EVERY DAY,
ONES THAT REQUIRE NOT MATH AND SCIENCE TO SOLVE,
BUT PURE DOWN-TO-EARTH KNOWLEDGE
AND THE ABILITY TO PRETEND
THE PERFECT ASIAN CHILD FAILS.
WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY.
IN THE MOST REALISTIC SENSE,
THE PERFECT ASIAN CHILD IS
WORTHLESS.
and in my mind, there is a greyhound station... where i send my thoughts, to far off destinations...
navigate using the bars above :)
S E A O F L O V E
by Cat Power (cover)
Come with me
My love
To the sea
The sea of love
I want to tell you
how much
I love you
Do you remember
When we met
That's the day
I knew you were my pet
Come with me
My love
To the sea
The sea of love
I wanna tell you
How much
I love you
Y O U T U B E L O V E
potter puppet pals!
embed your favourite youtube video here. make sure to change the object width to 360 and height to 292 so that it fits :D
:D
P R O F I L E
me myself and i :D
hello :D my name is kai lin. kai lin loves her dogs, vicky cookie angel amber kimberly, and her cats, christy and prince, though at the moment christy is missing and kai lin still doubts that prince is male. kai lin is absolute fan of severus snape, who by the way is extremely hot if you didn't know. but now you do, so good for you yeah. kai lin currently studies in nanyang girls' high school and is sec 3. kai lin won't tell you her class so if you don't know, too bad for you.
F I F T E E N
RANDOM FACTS
RANDOM FACTS
well, i am 15 years old, aren't i?
ONE basically this section is really random. TWO like it's seriously up to you what you want to have here. THREE like maybe a short-term and long-term goals section. FOUR or some pictures maybe?. FIVE or it could be say, the top whatever songs in your ipod/itunes/etc right now. SIX you could also have a wishlist with pictures attached if you like online shopping. SEVEN heh heh. maybe someone will get you something :X EIGHT it could also be a recommendation section? NINE like maybe good movies/songs/places to shop at :D TEN oh this would also work as a sort of announcement section. ELEVEN like any urgent things you want your readers to know. TWELVE or if you're the type, you could put disclaimers here. THIRTEEN or this could be an advertisements section. FOURTEEN like for your friend's blogshop or something? FIFTEEN basically, just be creative and personalize this skin to suit you.
T O D O L I S T
this should be useful
basically just stuff you need to do, like homework and projects. or you could change this to any other stuff you want yeah?
T A G B O A R D
yakkity yak yak
tagboard codes here yo.
coming to terms, through the medium of capitals
6:51 PM - Friday, March 6, 2009
i did it for love?
10:49 PM - Wednesday, February 4, 2009
school is suffocating me.
it's like the people i hang out with are out to get me so they can force alcohol down my throat and scribble over my face with makeup. the guys i think are cute are beyond quiet, and somehow i lack the ability to go up and talk to them. something about the girls i hang out with just... prevents me, almost, from hanging out with other people. what happened to those nice days when everyone was friends? i miss it. high school is ripping apart my individuality and forcing me to become a conformist. WHAT IS THIS??
i miss being able to express myself, and to just be natural around my friends. i miss laughing at the stupidest things and not having people look at you like you're psychotic. i miss sitting outside on the warm tarmac, the sun's rays enveloping me in golden light, making another seizure video... what happened to those days? slipped out of my grasp so fast...
sometimes i sit in the car, staring out at the world around me. and i realize, the world keeps moving. it just keeps moving on and on... methodically almost, continually. and i'm just there in the car, looking out at the lights. it makes me feel kind of insignificant, but in a comforting way. like, when i realize i'm so small compared to the world, people just seem like a mass of disconnecting thoughts. and who cares what they think? i can be who i want to be. it's not like anyone will give a shit.
the sweets by the yeah yeah yeahs... it's playing in the background, a base for the solo of my typing sounds. and it springs to mind, the time when my itunes was under examination by one of the girls... and i've often thought, the yeah yeah yeahs are a great expression of my feelings sometimes. a raw, edgy, female voice against a backing of hard guitar and heavy drums. and at the time, the girl told me that she loved them too. so i asked her if she liked the song y-control, which is quite famous, especially being arguably the most successful single from their first album, i assumed she would know. however she had no idea what i was talking about. later days, browsing through her itunes, i realized she only had maps. the one off rockband. honestly? come on. even my 12 year old sister can do better than that.
the legend about the red string round the pinky of your finger... how it's supposedly connected to your soulmate? it keeps floating around my mind these days... i can almost FEEL the string round my right pinky! i wonder if he's on the other end... or maybe it's just my wishful thinking. i mean, he did write a poem about another girl... i don't know who it is, but the poem involved a "needed kiss". i hope i just have crappy inferencing skills, but i don't think even a poem can be taken that far from literality.
but either way, i can't ever see him again. it's quite ironic, how you thought your friend was a real bitch, but in reality it's not the daughter, but the mother. a grown woman in her late 40's, stooping to the ultimate low of spreading shit about her friend's daughter? i guess there's nothing the world hasn't seen before, is there? oh, cruel fate. not like we would have worked out anyways. there's something about two people being too alike that sets them so far apart in the end.
it's like the people i hang out with are out to get me so they can force alcohol down my throat and scribble over my face with makeup. the guys i think are cute are beyond quiet, and somehow i lack the ability to go up and talk to them. something about the girls i hang out with just... prevents me, almost, from hanging out with other people. what happened to those nice days when everyone was friends? i miss it. high school is ripping apart my individuality and forcing me to become a conformist. WHAT IS THIS??
i miss being able to express myself, and to just be natural around my friends. i miss laughing at the stupidest things and not having people look at you like you're psychotic. i miss sitting outside on the warm tarmac, the sun's rays enveloping me in golden light, making another seizure video... what happened to those days? slipped out of my grasp so fast...
sometimes i sit in the car, staring out at the world around me. and i realize, the world keeps moving. it just keeps moving on and on... methodically almost, continually. and i'm just there in the car, looking out at the lights. it makes me feel kind of insignificant, but in a comforting way. like, when i realize i'm so small compared to the world, people just seem like a mass of disconnecting thoughts. and who cares what they think? i can be who i want to be. it's not like anyone will give a shit.
the sweets by the yeah yeah yeahs... it's playing in the background, a base for the solo of my typing sounds. and it springs to mind, the time when my itunes was under examination by one of the girls... and i've often thought, the yeah yeah yeahs are a great expression of my feelings sometimes. a raw, edgy, female voice against a backing of hard guitar and heavy drums. and at the time, the girl told me that she loved them too. so i asked her if she liked the song y-control, which is quite famous, especially being arguably the most successful single from their first album, i assumed she would know. however she had no idea what i was talking about. later days, browsing through her itunes, i realized she only had maps. the one off rockband. honestly? come on. even my 12 year old sister can do better than that.
the legend about the red string round the pinky of your finger... how it's supposedly connected to your soulmate? it keeps floating around my mind these days... i can almost FEEL the string round my right pinky! i wonder if he's on the other end... or maybe it's just my wishful thinking. i mean, he did write a poem about another girl... i don't know who it is, but the poem involved a "needed kiss". i hope i just have crappy inferencing skills, but i don't think even a poem can be taken that far from literality.
but either way, i can't ever see him again. it's quite ironic, how you thought your friend was a real bitch, but in reality it's not the daughter, but the mother. a grown woman in her late 40's, stooping to the ultimate low of spreading shit about her friend's daughter? i guess there's nothing the world hasn't seen before, is there? oh, cruel fate. not like we would have worked out anyways. there's something about two people being too alike that sets them so far apart in the end.
major brainfart action
12:45 PM - Monday, January 19, 2009
i've kept my mouth shut for a long time, haven't i? i guess my mind's just been much too full of thoughts. i wish my thoughts were nice, stationary things though. things that stood like a ROCK for me, through everything. but it seems they'd rather swim around and jump out of the water at the randomest times.
this morning i finally crashed at 2:oo, but i'm not completely sure why. long after i had finished that trivial btt project, i sat there fingering my charcoal pencils, until i finally decided to draw something. it was way too early in the morning for my brain to function, so i just drew and stared at the paper. after 15 minutes, a rough sketch blossomed onto the page in the form of a cup. a cup with an ear, and a face peering tentatively out from its surface, hair spilling out the top of the cup.
i'm still not really sure WHY i drew that. i mean, it was nice and all. but a pretty queer thing for me to draw. something so contained, yet spewing out the top at the same time. if i have time in the summer i'll consider putting it in canvas and oil... maybe. i'm way too lazy.
exams are coming up friday, and i just can't reason with myself enough to study. these days i just spend my life singing along to jason mraz, making sad attempts to pluck a few strings on my guitar and whip out my sketchbook to put my mind on paper. i don't think my brain could have chosen a worse time to go into hibernate. i feel like hurling my computer out my window and watching it soar into the parking lot outside the school...
i think i'll go to fellowship this week.
this morning i finally crashed at 2:oo, but i'm not completely sure why. long after i had finished that trivial btt project, i sat there fingering my charcoal pencils, until i finally decided to draw something. it was way too early in the morning for my brain to function, so i just drew and stared at the paper. after 15 minutes, a rough sketch blossomed onto the page in the form of a cup. a cup with an ear, and a face peering tentatively out from its surface, hair spilling out the top of the cup.
i'm still not really sure WHY i drew that. i mean, it was nice and all. but a pretty queer thing for me to draw. something so contained, yet spewing out the top at the same time. if i have time in the summer i'll consider putting it in canvas and oil... maybe. i'm way too lazy.
exams are coming up friday, and i just can't reason with myself enough to study. these days i just spend my life singing along to jason mraz, making sad attempts to pluck a few strings on my guitar and whip out my sketchbook to put my mind on paper. i don't think my brain could have chosen a worse time to go into hibernate. i feel like hurling my computer out my window and watching it soar into the parking lot outside the school...
i think i'll go to fellowship this week.
RANT-A-LICIOUS!
10:20 PM - Monday, January 5, 2009
what comes around, goes around. right now, that would apply to exams. oh, exams. the woe of the average high-schooler's life. 90 minutes in a chair staring at a sheet of paper that could possibly changed your entire life. shading in those tiny little circles, trying to get them JUST right so the stupid hunk of metal called a scantron won't screw up your near perfect mark. palms sweating, pencil slipping, eraser getting smaller... smaller... smaller... at least you get the rest of the day off, yeah?
i haven't had dinner today. and i. am HUNGRY. but my stomach is killing me. i opened my tub of warm vanilla sugar body butter and took a big whiff and the nausea just came crashing down. it's like whenever i actually AM hungry, i can't eat. when i'm not hungry, i'm forced to eat. why is it that life just works against me like that?
which brings me to the subject of a certain window in my school. every day i walk down from my first period geography and i take the exact same stairwell. right in front of me, there happens to be this gigantimongous window. i always want to just crash through it and scream "i'm free! I'M FREE!" but no. it just sits there taunting me. nyah nyah, if you jump through me you'll fall and die. why is life so ironic sometimes?
don't get me wrong here. i love life. life just doesn't like me.
i haven't had dinner today. and i. am HUNGRY. but my stomach is killing me. i opened my tub of warm vanilla sugar body butter and took a big whiff and the nausea just came crashing down. it's like whenever i actually AM hungry, i can't eat. when i'm not hungry, i'm forced to eat. why is it that life just works against me like that?
which brings me to the subject of a certain window in my school. every day i walk down from my first period geography and i take the exact same stairwell. right in front of me, there happens to be this gigantimongous window. i always want to just crash through it and scream "i'm free! I'M FREE!" but no. it just sits there taunting me. nyah nyah, if you jump through me you'll fall and die. why is life so ironic sometimes?
don't get me wrong here. i love life. life just doesn't like me.
purging my brain
12:37 AM - Saturday, January 3, 2009
the dawn of a new blog... again. this must be my... 5th blog? i suck at updating... but rest assured! I'LL UPDATE THIS ONE.
yeah! it's my own personal goal of the week. :)
so today, i was sitting in the backseat of the car. speeding along the highway. and SUDDENLY. i realized three things.
one, i have to remember to get skype.
two, i can't stop thinking about yellow shirt boy. oh, and i forgot to go to fellowship to see him again. damn.
three, my butt is cold.
well, first things first. number one? easily solved. went home. got skype. chatted with friends. eh, it's pretty awesome. but easily boring. why not just pick up the phone? still something fun to have. especially if you're like me, and can't be bothered to grab the phone when its like, a meter away. ...so. very. FAR.
onto number two... yellow shirt boy, oh yellow shirt boy, how amazing are thee? the answer: beyond all imagination. let me list the ways... not freaky old, not younger than me. tall, cute, plays a bunch of instruments, sings without sounding like a dying cow... has nice shoes AND hair. but what i love about you, oh yellow shirt boy, above all else... your amazing personality. somehow managing to be funny, incredibly nice, kind, intriguing, inspiring and faithful to God, all at the same time. if only i actually got my butt off the couch and over to fellowship from time to time... if only you actually noticed me, and i wasn't completely not worthy of someone incredible like you... IF ONLY...
oh, screw it.
number three. easy. sat on my hoodie.
who knew a little car ride home would spawn so many thoughts? :)
two days left of the holidays... a crapload of homework waiting to be done... sucks. i just can't work! i can't bring myself to actually devote 3 hours to writing about how the simpsons movie displays Christ-like love. i just can't. nor can i write a speech about why the entire province should convert to bioenergy. honestly. it's burning crap for fuel! what can i say?
i give up.
yeah! it's my own personal goal of the week. :)
so today, i was sitting in the backseat of the car. speeding along the highway. and SUDDENLY. i realized three things.
one, i have to remember to get skype.
two, i can't stop thinking about yellow shirt boy. oh, and i forgot to go to fellowship to see him again. damn.
three, my butt is cold.
well, first things first. number one? easily solved. went home. got skype. chatted with friends. eh, it's pretty awesome. but easily boring. why not just pick up the phone? still something fun to have. especially if you're like me, and can't be bothered to grab the phone when its like, a meter away. ...so. very. FAR.
onto number two... yellow shirt boy, oh yellow shirt boy, how amazing are thee? the answer: beyond all imagination. let me list the ways... not freaky old, not younger than me. tall, cute, plays a bunch of instruments, sings without sounding like a dying cow... has nice shoes AND hair. but what i love about you, oh yellow shirt boy, above all else... your amazing personality. somehow managing to be funny, incredibly nice, kind, intriguing, inspiring and faithful to God, all at the same time. if only i actually got my butt off the couch and over to fellowship from time to time... if only you actually noticed me, and i wasn't completely not worthy of someone incredible like you... IF ONLY...
oh, screw it.
number three. easy. sat on my hoodie.
who knew a little car ride home would spawn so many thoughts? :)
two days left of the holidays... a crapload of homework waiting to be done... sucks. i just can't work! i can't bring myself to actually devote 3 hours to writing about how the simpsons movie displays Christ-like love. i just can't. nor can i write a speech about why the entire province should convert to bioenergy. honestly. it's burning crap for fuel! what can i say?
i give up.